Prayers answered...from Craigslist?

The other night I was having a conversation with a dear friend and we both kind of realized, "wow, God always takes really good care of me." Like, really. I began to think back on instances when I have really felt God's presence, and even times that I haven't, and I can tell that he's been there, providing everything that I need. Or sometimes, and this is my favorite, He will lavish me with choice gifts I never even asked for. Let me explain...

Ever since moving to Iowa my heart has yearned for peace, and seemed to have found none. I specifically included it in my prayer intentions--that I might experience God's peace in my decision to move here, with my job, with my vocation, etc. I'll be honest: at first, it was a rocky start. Moving to a new town where all the people you know can be counted on one hand (and conveniently it's because it's your boyfriend and a few of his friends), was not easy for the sanguine in me. I'd see cute coffee shops, restaurants, and boutiques and my initial thought was, "Oh, this would be a great place to take one of my girlfriends....wait. Or, Lee?" Of course it's not that I don't want to do all of these things with the man that I love, but there are just some things that girls get more excited about: namely, colorful and cute coffee shops downtown with organic coffee and homemade pastries. (If you're a girl and you live in Fargo I am willing to wager that if you've been to Nichole's just once, you love it.)

I had some time in town before leaving for a mission trip in July, so I used that time mainly to get settled, finish preparing for Mexico City, and of course look for jobs. I applied for many and was contacted by few. Even after doctoring up the ol' résumé with everything that I learned from my experience with FOCUS and beyond, apparently it's a little more difficult than I thought to find a job with the following titles to my name: "Catholic missionary and B.A. in International Studies." If I would've known that back in my days at the UW, I definitely would have studied a little more and gotten more specific with a degree path. Regardless, I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and in all reality I had no idea what I wanted to do when I was 20 years old... and 5 years later I still don't! Life decisions are tough, especially when your main goal is heaven, you'll do whatever it takes to get there (or at least I'd like to think so most days).

Our Mexico City mission trip group. I love them!

To fit with the theme of this post, God provided and the day I left town to go to WI before my mission trip, I was offered a position at a recently-opened Culver's restaurant nearby. For those of you who don't know me, I love Culver's and am extremely loyal to it, particularly the franchise in Sauk City, WI (the one that started it all for those of you unawares). In fact, I like Culver's so much that a friend of mine planned a surprise birthday party for me last year and wanted to take a group of us to yes you guessed it: Culver's (unfortunately my birthday is in January and there was a blizzard so our plans changed. Who knew, a blizzard in Fargo in January...).

You can probably imagine my excitement at being issued the "True Blue" hat, manager's tie, shirt and name tag on my first day. I started working and it was fun to talk to people, learn a new job, and of course, eat at Culver's almost every day (especially when there was pulled pork or chicken salad sandwiches, yum!). It certainly zoomed me right back to my days in the grocery store, which I remember very fondly. 

My first time wearing the True Blue uniform.

Excitement waned within a week when my pride really started kicking in and I began to see status updates of many fellow UW-grads who are out doing "big and exciting things" with their lives: graduating from PA school, starting their 4th year as a med student, moving to new countries, teaching, getting married and the list goes on. In a moment of weakness, I began to feel sorry for myself, "Oh Kelsey, you don't even know what you want to do with your life. You didn't even need a college degree for what you're doing now (although after working as a manager, I can definitely see where it was helpful!). Look at your peers and all of the amazing things they're doing with their lives, and here you're working in fast food." That was when I stopped liking my job. (Note to self: don't compare your life to others' lives through the social media lens, or at all. You'll likely end up highly dissatisfied, regardless of what you do.)

I began working at Culver's under the pretense that, "I'll do this until something better comes along." And that was when I realized that I don't actually know what I would think is "better." More money? Regular hours? A different working environment? (Being a FOCUS missionary?) It wasn't long that I figured out that as far as a career goes, I just don't know what I want. After all, I didn't move to Iowa for a career, I moved here for a relationship.

So I stopped looking. I stopped reading the daily emails of "New jobs in the area" and decided that I was happy enough, and who needs a new job anyway? At least I'm starting to learn the ropes, gain confidence, and get to know customers to the point of seeing a ticket for an order in the drive-thru and knowing exactly who it's for (hoping she brought her bichon!) without even taking the order.

And then a miracle happened--I started liking working at Culver's. I formed relationships with the other employees (inside jokes and all), found moments of sanctification in my work  and I began to feel like maybe, just maybe, I am making a difference. The 3-11pm shifts stopped being such a burden and I accepted my fate of working there for the time being. I also decided that I would start advertising a little more heavily for a roommate (because I also accepted the fact that if I don't split the rent my resources will soon diminish).

Not long after that God really surprised me with how much He cares for me. Lee and I went for a run one night and decided to go a new route, opposite of the direction we normally go. On the way, we passed the wife of who we'll call "Steve," a friend of Lee's we haven't seen since I've been in town, and later that night her husband texted Lee inviting us to a bonfire at their place. We ended up going, did a little "shooting the breeze" and I described my job at Culver's to them. Two days later, Lee forwarded me an email from Steve letting him know about a friend of his who works at a small engineering company and recently lost his receptionist (not tragically, she just quit). He told Lee that I should give the guy a call if I'm interested, so that is exactly what I did. I went in for an interview a few days later and was offered the job on the spot, and get this: there are regular hours, better pay, and a different working environment. 

But now that things were going well at Culver's, I felt a twinge of obligation and even sadness (yes, sadness!) at the thought of leaving. In all honesty, I am loyal to a fault and my commitment to the Culver's Restaurant chain runs much deeper than the month and a half experience of working there. I thought about staying part time and picking up shifts every once in a while on the weekends, but when I told my manager he said I should take some time to get settled at my new job and email him in a couple of weeks. So that is exactly what I did. And his response blew me away. I want to share part of it with you:

The very reason you stated of commitment is what i was hoping you would figure out. I did not want you to feel obligated as i could sense. Commitment and obligation have two different meanings. With commitment you have choices and create your own path.  With obligation we allow others in a sense to create or control our path. You are a special person that will touch many lives on your journey of life.

It was such a relief to me to know that I truly made the best decision for myself, and in doing so, for the other people in my life (i.e. coworkers, Lee). It's amazing how much freedom one can experience by making a decision like this for yourself, and not to please someone else.

Of course my prayers for peace continued, as I am starting something new (again) and transition, well, sometimes I just plain don't get along with it. I was starting to get good at my job, earn my employees' trust, and now I'm starting a new job where I know literally zero things, and I'm the only female (at least none of my coworkers will be throwing off my cycle, am I right? #silverlining).

In the same week that I was contacted about the new job, I was also contacted by someone that saw an ad on Craigslist (which I put up weeks prior) and wanted to know if I was still looking for a roommate. Oddly enough, I had just made up a flyer and was about to print out a couple copies to hang around UNI and some churches around town, but I decided to hold off until meeting her and talking with her a bit.

She came over one night and saw the place, we chatted a little, and she struck me as a really normal person (although honestly, what is normal?). I thought only creepy guys used Craigslist! Except for me. We decided it would be a good fit and she went to sign the lease later that week. She just moved in on Tuesday night and so far it's working out great. Not to mention the whole, paying half my normal rent deal.

Oh, you might be curious about her name?

Peace.

It's no coincidence that these events all happened when they did. You outdid yourself this time, Daddy. I think I'm starting to feel like the princess I am.

I can cross "Live in Iowa" off my bucket list.

That's right, friends and family. Although I have yet to get the Iowegian driver's license, I am all moved into my new apartment in this corn-fed midwestern land. As I have yet no job in town, you could say that being "strapped for time" is not how my life could be described right now. For example, I was able to go to Mass when and where I wanted on Sunday morning, come home, read a book and take a nap before spending the afternoon and evening with a wonderful young man who is the main motivator for me moving here in the first place.

The move went fairly simple. Mom, dad and brother came down on Saturday with all my belongings in a U-Haul trailer, we had it unloaded within the matter of an hour, spent some time unpacking boxes before going to lunch and they hit the road again before 2 pm. Now that's what I call efficient. I guess it's all that German heritage coursing through our veins that makes us such hard workers and heaven knows we don't like to waste time sitting on our behinds. By Saturday afternoon at 5 pm the entire place was already put together save a few minor details like pictures being hung up. The finishing touches were in place by Sunday morning so I guess everything is ready to go! I even had a small get together on Saturday night and one of Lee's friends who's lived in the area for a while came in and said, "Wow, this place is already more decorated than mine." Nice.

Here are some pictures:

Thanks for the love seat, Jama! It's perfect.

Kelsey's corner. Papasan covered in Alpaca blanket.

My very own balcony! And I already met a neighbor while using it.

This kitchen and fridge are enormous compared to the last ones!  

Scored this shower curtain at a garage sale. Nice.

To do: organize closet.

Spare bedroom = bookshelf (for now) and other random storage.

So that's what's new in the life of Kelsey. Due to the high price of internet I decided to forego that option for now, even though my apartment comes with cable. This will be the first time in seven years (minus a brief month with Jenne) that I've had cable. And there are a solid 73 channels! I already found EWTN and USA. I'll probably just wait to see when reruns of Psych are on and watch those, or maybe continue with Saved by the Bell as I did while eating breakfast this morning... not too shabby. But as for the internet, I'll be mooching from the public library, which has a spot with a great view of the parking lot so I can make sure nobody's messing with Lady.

That's all for now. I guess I'll go to the store and pick up a few essentials (milk and cheese...gosh I'm such a Sconnie).

My life in boxes.

If there is one thing I've learned over the past three years it is exactly this:  saying goodbye really is a hard thing to do for many people, including this teary-eyed missionary. It seems to be especially difficult to say goodbye to the people I've met over the years because with many of them there is a deep spiritual and even in some cases an emotional bond. And in college ministry these goodbyes happen all. the. time! Semester breaks, mission trips, summer breaks, NST. Saying goodbye has become commonplace, so much so that you have no other choice if you want to be a FOCUS missionary.

Lee, the Master! (of Science)

Missionary. Recently, Lee and I cooked supper for the men at the Dorothy Day House in Moorhead, and Luke, the staff member there, asked me what I "do during the daytime hours." I honestly almost choked up because technically, my time on campus is over. Even though I'm still with FOCUS until the end of my mission trip in July, my "daytime job" is over, and the next thing hasn't quite stepped up to the plate yet (a.k.a. I'm still on the job hunt). This has happened each year for the past three years now--all of a sudden everyone just quietly disappears. Some stop by to say goodbye, some ask to get coffee or pray together one last time, but for the past two years there was a different element to all of this:  it wasn't permanent. Each time there was a degree of certainty that I would in fact be back again come August. This time the moving on is real, and the goodbyes have a different, more emotional, element to them.

This past weekend I had the privilege of attending FOCUS' Commissioning Weekend for those who are moving on from FOCUS after this year. Sure, it was totally out of the way (in Ave Maria, FL) and a really inconvenient time of year for most of us, especially as we begin new jobs, move, get married, etc--but truthfully, I am so glad I went.

For a while now one of the reasons I have been so sad to leave FOCUS was because of the very intimate and familial aspect of it all. Even though we only spend five weeks each summer with the majority of these people, or maybe we go on a mission trip together--sometimes these weeks are the toughest and most emotionally pressing of our lives. We begin fundraising our salaries, following a very rigorous schedule, being constantly surrounded by people, being ripped from our comfort zones and forced to get outside of ourselves... the list goes on. Through these hardships are also the many joys--getting our first Mission Partner, hearing about a student you've invested in for months finally start to come around, winning the scavenger hunt at NST, making new friends, etc. It's amazing how you can walk up to any other missionary and get into a deep conversation within the matter of 30 seconds. Example:

Person 1: "Hey, so what'd you think of that class on prayer today?"
Person 2: "Wow, totally hit home for me. My prayer has been struggling lately and yadda yadda yadda.."

or

Person 1: "Where'd you go to school?"
Person 2: "Nebraska."
Person 1: "Oh, do you know so and so?"
Person 2: "Yeah, she helped me so much with X, Y and Z this year, I don't know where I'd be without her!"

BAM! Instantly great friends. I honestly can't count the number of times this happened over the course of the last three years, but I was reminded that it was many when I was at Ave Maria this weekend.

Another reason I'm glad that I went to the Commissioning Weekend because we heard real-life stories of evangelization and got tips for how to do it in our own parishes. In case you haven't yet picked up on this, FOCUS is about much more than helping "Catholic kids stay Catholic." FOCUS is in it for the long haul: lifelong Catholic mission, aka being an evangelistic disciple for the rest of our lives, not just in college. We heard encouraging talks over the course of the weekend, even from Curtis Martin himself, applauding us for our time spent in FOCUS and even more for going out into lifelong mission. How exciting!

I would love to write a sappy post about "the wonderful lessons I've learned in FOCUS," but honestly that would require a book. I will say that I am a drastically different woman than I was three years ago, and I'd wager for the better. I've learned the importance of self--saying no to others, taking time for myself, etc--and that I am a "self" worth taking care of. I've learned how to pray and have a personal relationship with Jesus. Those two things alone have been game changers. And that doesn't even include the fact that I learned practical things like how to shop around for car insurance, how to fundraise my salary, making sure different bills are paid on time, etc. In a nutshell, I've gained invaluable life experiences that have shaped me into the woman I am today. And I couldn't be more grateful.

I spent this week packing and repacking boxes and boxes and boxes and even a couple of dressers

My life in boxes.

with all of my belongings. My room at home is completely empty and Lady is all packed up and ready to hit the road with me tomorrow. I'll be honest, it was strange to clean out and throw away so many things I've held onto for many years--notes, pictures, gifts--all things that carried such special meaning to me at one point in my life. Now may they rest in peace...or at goodwill. (Disclaimer: If you've given me a gift or wrote me a special letter, don't worry I didn't throw yours away.)

I guess I'll need to start thinking of what to write about now that the on-campus mission has ended. Luckily for all of us the shenanigans and noteworthy moments never seem to come to a close and they tend to find me with frequency.

Please keep me in your prayers, and if you're still waiting for my final newsletter, don't worry, it's coming, and if you would like one shoot me an email at kelsey.kaufman2@gmail.com.

"How can you know what you're capable of if you don't embrace the unknown?"

Esmeralda Santiago

Family Vacation: Day 1

Now I'm not sure that I'll actually be updating you on the enthralling adventures that mom, dad and I undertake as we continue to travel, but it is quite comical the way we vacation. A seven-hour car ride paused with a stop for lunch at one of our favorites and the nation's finest: Chipotle. We arrived in Fargo and met up with Marissa for dinner at Doolittle's--the area's best! We came home to my new apartment and spent the next hour and a half hauling all of my stuff upstairs from the basement which Lee had so nicely packed in. I should've taken a picture! Anyway, here's a few photos from day one:

Mom and I, proudly snapping a picture with Chipotle in the background.

The "before" Bedroom 1.

Half of our living room and the kitchen in the back.

My current bedroom/living room.

Mom and dad's current bedroom, will be mine and Mikayla's.

After 8:30 mass at St's. Anne and Joachim (and some coffee) we'll have everything put away and in it's proper place! I'm hoping to take 'em for a walk later and show them the better part of Fargo this afternoon, followed by dinner at the Breen's tonight! Basically, it's a good day, and it's good to be home...kind of. And if you're wondering how cold it is way up der, when we got out of the cars we were actually cold and looked at the thermometer: 69 degrees, baby. Welcome to North Dakota.