Did I get hit by a bus? Or will I be boarding one?

Today is the long-awaited day: the day we bisonCatholics hop on a bus and ride it for 40 hours. I don't think it has actually hit me yet because as of yesterday morning I woke up with a bruiser of a cold. I was sick before Christmas but that pales in comparison to how I feel today with the sniffles, sneezing, phlegm-filled coughing...yuck. I feel for all the people who will be on the bus with me and I will definitely do everything in my power to keep my germs to myself. I packed every type of cold medicine I could find lying around, Vicks VapoRub and plenty of cough drops--luckily mom stocked me up years past and I still have the supplies. In consideration of my comrades on the bus, I also toted along a big thing of hand sanitizer and a bag to put my tissues in after I blow my nose over and over and over again... Poor Josie..she's so excited to be my bus buddy. Little does she know that I packed plenty of Tylenol PM, NyQuil and other cold medicines that I hope knock me right out.

2011. Badgers vs. TCU at Pasadena.

I mean, I understand that I'm bound to get sick every now and then, but honestly--I have been completely fine all last semester, and that includes my crazy busy schedule, my hectic running to-and-fro and my lack of sleep. Never once was I struck with a cold then, but rather, now when I should be in good health and excitement for our Seek 2013 conference! Perhaps this is news to some of you:  January 2-6 is FOCUS' national conference in Orlando, FL and it only happens once every three years. There will be more than 6,000 college students along with the 300+ missionaries present and the whole goal is to grow in a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ and hopefully encourage first-timers to get a fire lit under them to share Him with others.

Something that I've learned about myself recently is that large crowds and groups of people can really overwhelm me, and I tend to feel paralyzed as if I don't know what to do or with whom I should talk. However, this will definitely be a reunion for us missionaries! Many of us have not seen our focus friends since June and we are looking forward to seeing our pals once again! The conference is only a few days long and we will all have jobs and students to take care of, but I know it will be good to see the friends that I have missed for the last six months.

Badger fans outnumbered TCU's fans.

For any of you Badger fans out there, yes I will be missing the Rose Bowl; but I hope to follow along on Twitter for the updates. I'm very excited to see what Coach Alvarez will do with our Badgers in Pasadena tomorrow! I can't believe just a few years ago I was there watching them face TCU with my dear friend, Irma.

Other than that, I have not a whole lot to report, at least not for now. The end of my break at home was wonderful, and on the last day mom, dad and Kevin all trekked out to go see the Hobbit (basically to appease me) to celebrate Kevin and I's birthdays a little early. If any of you are wondering, The Hobbit was totally wicked and I loved it. Even JR said that it didn't feel like a three hour movie. Time flies as you're flying along with Bilbo Baggins and the rest of the dwarfs on their adventure! Please pray for our safe travels to Seek--we leave tonight at 7:30 pm and plan on arriving on Wednesday at 11:30 am. I couldn't think of a better way to ring in the new year than spending it on a bus (sarcasm...sorry)--but seriously, this will be a rock solid conference and I'm excited for what I personally will experience there! And now I should be off, maybe take another nap before meeting up with the team. Bryan was nice and gave me the morning off to try my hand at recovering--so far no luck, but who knows what will come!

Also, as a final thought: I would like to point out that currently the temperature in Fargo is -4. Meanwhile in Orlando, it is 73 and will only get warmer by Wednesday. I think a little sunshine will cure this cold in no time.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

Merry Christmas everyone! So far this Christmas has consisted of much merriment and joy in the Kaufman house, although sadly that is not the case in other parts of our nation and world. On Christmas Eve I could not help but spend a few hours mourning for the families of those who have lost friends and loved ones this Christmas season. And the prayers for those affected by these tragedies will not stop there. During the time I've been home I have watched more NBC 15 news than probably ever before. Between the Sandy Hook tragedy, the blizzard that whited out Wisconsin for a few days, and my parents' nightly viewing of the five and ten o'clock news, let's just say I have been inundated with news, most of which, unfortunately has been extremely sad or tragic. It's so hard to imagine having spent this Christmas day without just one of our beloved family members there, or to have our house catch fire and burn to the ground in the midst of our celebrations. Now I apologize if this hits close to home or you're wondering why I took a dose of "depressing" this morning, but I just can't help but process the sadness just the state of Wisconsin, and the rest of the nation alone, have experienced this Christmas and holiday season. I will hold the recent tragedies in our nation very close to my heart in prayer through the rest of the Christmas season and beyond, and I ask you to join me in the same.

Through the Advent season I decided to read a book titled, Love Does Such Things. A book that has completely flown under the radar, and recommended to me by Jenne, my old teammate and dear friend, completely rocked my world this Christmas. I often see signs and posters with, "Jesus is the Reason for the Season," or "Keep Christ in Christmas," but to be honest, I've never really understood exactly how to do that or what that looks like. Say "Merry Christmas" instead of "happy holidays"? Go to Mass on Christmas Eve? Read the beautiful accounts of our Lord's birth in scripture? That doesn't quite seem like enough. Christmas is much more than the celebration of our Savior's birth in a manger with Joseph and Mary. Oh boy, there's a lot more than that. Our Lord greets us with "Merry Christmas" daily, not just on December 25th. Recently I read two quotes that are constantly adding to the "renewal of my mind" about what Christmas really means. One, by CS Lewis states,

"Once in our world, a stable had something in it that was bigger than our whole world."

And another by St. Augustine which states,

"He wished to become one of our Children to make us His children."

 (If you're wondering where I found them... I'll admit:  Twitter...Yes, I'm a little embarrassed.)

Mom's cute idea for Christmas this year: matching shirts..kind of.

However, these two quotes are a wonderfully accurate portrayal of the meaning of Christmas: God loves us so much. And when someone is head-over-heels in love with someone, they might do something crazy. For example, God becoming human in the form of a baby! And not only that, but born to a poor peasant girl into utter poverty. In today's world, that is completely nuts! Why would our God do that? And only to have His life end in a horrific, tragic death on the Cross on Good Friday? Well, for no other reason than this:  Love does such things. Love does things completely senseless to our human nature in order to prove itself; and when that Love is perfect, unending and from GOD himself, could we really expect anything less?

So anyway, I've experienced a deep renewal of my mind this Christmas in what it means to open up room in my heart for the Savior to be born anew, and I pray for the grace to be able to remember this in my daily life!

Pretty hard to not fall in love with this little guy...

Speaking of my daily life, that's something I could probably tell you a little bit about. Over the break I was greatly looking forward to calling all of my mission partners and wishing them (ahem, YOU!) all a Merry Christmas! and meeting with some, and I of course had the intentions to bake them cookies and deliver them right to their doorsteps. Unfortunately a nice white-out blizzard this past week topped with a cold that took every gust of wind out of my sails used up every last resource I had to even make a simple phone call. The past week I've spent resting, sleeping, and not doing much of anything. My body finally realized that I had some time off so decided to play catch up and give me a cold while I have time to rest and not be around people 24/7 like I am in NoDak. Certainly not the worst thing in the world, but man, when dad or I get sick, we get sick and our bodies make sure we can't do anything. It did provide lots of quality time to spend with mom and dad--we played Scrabble, watched Christmas movies and ate soup--but it was a bummer to not be able to do all the other things I had planned over this break.

Cuteness central. Case and point.

I did start feeling better yesterday when mom's whole family came over for our annual tradition of spending Christmas day at the Kaufman house. Having a baby in our family (finally!) is pretty exciting and the holidays have really changed in terms of our activities. We did play our annual game of Catchphrase, which always gets us for a good laugh, but we spent most of the day watching and interacting with the two newest members of our family: baby Audrey and Rusty (our family's new puppy). Watching the two of them interact was pretty precious and by the end of the day Audrey was showing that little pup who's boss. Pretty. Stinkin'. Cute.

Today is my last full day here and tomorrow I'm already heading out to go back up to the hinterland! SO (shout out) to Tim Olson and Maria Sauvageau who are getting married on Friday! I'll be there in time for the wedding and will be getting ready to pack up and get on a bus for 36 hours down to Orlando for the Seek conference that starts on January 2nd. In case you're wondering, yes I will miss the Rose Bowl game, but now that I have twitter I guess I'll just be stalking the tweets with hopeful updates of a play-by-play while I'm on the bus.

Gosh Kev just loves taking pictures with me.

I'm looking forward to another semester of missionary life at NDSU and am so thankful for such a great placement for me! I've loved being there the past year and a half and it's crazy to think that year two of missionary life is halfway over! I still have no idea what I'm doing after this year, but promise to keep you updated as I discover more.

Also, in case any of you are wondering (more like haven't noticed yet), I did deactivate my Facebook account for now. To spare the long-winded explanation of the thought process and yes, even prayer that I put into making this decision, let's just say I'm going to try to do a little prioritizing of my time and spend more time doing the things that I actually love (reading, spending time with people, scrapbooking, etc) than spending so much time on such an addicting social network. For now I will keep twitter, if you'd like to follow me there: kelseymarie1989, this blog (which may see more frequent posts seeing as I'll have more time...) and of course my email and phone, if ever you'd like to get in touch with me.

Feeling the love. Thanks, brother.

Today mom, dad, Kevin and I are celebrating Kevin and I's birthdays (January 23 and 20, respectively) by finally going to see The Hobbit! I'M SO EXCITED I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MYSELF! I'll admit, I'm a little confused as to how they made such a short book into three long, feature films, but I guess we'll see!

Please pray for my safe travels tomorrow (Thursday) and may there rest of the Christmas season be very joy-filled for each of you.

God bless!
Kelsey Marie

A semi-belated update!

Hello, avid blog reader, or perhaps first-time visitor. Oh, how I have missed thee in the past few weeks. Certainly I did not forget about thee, but rather have taken somewhat of a mini "hiatus" from the blogosphere. There really isn't any particular reason for the absence, except that there are indeed many reasons, the main two being time and topics. Time, because Thanksgiving through end of the semester have been totally nuts with finishing up registrations for Seek Conference deadlines, bisonCatholic Week meetings, bible studies, discipleships, and other end-of-the-semester doings. Topics, because there have simply been far too many about which I could further develop in the sight of all of you! To put it simply, the Lord has been doing some major work on my heart these past few weeks, and in the time between all of the activities listed above, I've spent wondering what exactly is going on! Good things, I assure you. Many good things.

To cue you in on where I'm currently at in this moment of my short, 23-year life, it involves sitting in my parents' kitchen in lovely small-town Wisconsin, gazing out into our backyard where snow perfectly frosts the grass, trees, and bare bushes. Mom took a half-day at work today due to a tummy ache and dad is downstairs taking his afternoon nap. It's 1:34 pm and I'm still in my pajamas, rocking my favorite Sauk Prairie Eagles basketball sweatshirt (the black one with my name stitched on the sleeve, for those of you who may remember all of the ever-changing SP apparel). You might be wondering to yourself, "Wait Kelsey, you're already done with the semester?!" I would like to assure you, yes, yes I am. The students at NDSU, however, still have finals to take, papers to finish and projects to consume their time (along with ample facebooking to accomplish, phone calls to make, and any other form of procrastination that might creep into their finals week...going through old photos and suddenly having "so much more time to pray" were my personal faves). I already settled into mom and dad's house for the next three weeks because of a wedding this past Saturday. A couple of friends from Madison were married on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception (which, so as not to be confused, is the holy, immaculate conception of Mary, the Mother of Jesus--not Jesus Himself) and although I tried to come back on Friday night so I could make it in time for the wedding, a snow storm along I-94 blocked my path and I turned around at Fergus Falls. This led to me coming back for the night and spending more time with my lovely roommate, Cari, and then heading out again early the next morning.

I didn't make it in time for the Mass (which majorly bummed me out), but I was fortunate enough to get home in time to have a hot beef sandwich with mom and dad, get ready, and boogie down to Madison for the reception which took place at The Madison Club (flossy, flossy). Bryna, the bride, looked stunning and Nico, the groom, happy as ever. Josie and I have been discussing weddings and engagements, and being both single women we've grown so much in what it means to love someone, without actually having the opportunity to practice with our own "special someone!" We have each individually matured so much in terms of our own vocations and being able to celebrate others' joy at getting engaged or married without letting the, "(sigh) I wish that were me" creep in. Needless to say, the reception on Saturday night was a blast and I'll be honest, I felt a little bit like a celeb. Okay, that's enough self-ego-boosting; I just had the opportunity to catch up with a lot of friends that I haven't seen in a long time and who I've missed dearly.

It was funny how the same conversation happened over and over, and over, and over, with person after person. It wasn't tiresome, just funny how it seemed like every single person I talked to wanted to know two things: 1) How the heck have you been in ND?! and 2) What's next??

To answer the first question: I've been doing really well. I am in love with each of the women I have the privilege of working with and could not see myself anywhere else right now. Then insert personal tailoring of the conversation to the person with whom I'm chatting (ie with the girls, I'd spill my heart; with the guys, I'd give basic facts and tell a few jokes). As for the second question, I feel like it's senior year of college all over again! Everybody always asking, "Kelsey, what next what next!?" To which I'd often graciously respond (wink), "no clue, ask me in a month." It's funny how many times I wanted to pull that answer out, but I'm just too darn nice to do so. Instead it went more like this, "Well, I really kinda sorta definitely want to do FOCUS again...maybe apply to be a team director...but if I do that then I'm proclaiming singlehood for at least another year...I don't know...no burning call to the religious life has gripped me yet...I considered packing all my bags and moving to Fargo...I don't think I'll be a missionary there next year...maybe Texas?" So as you can see, the first prayer request on my list at left is still the one that I most need! I have absolutely no clue (with one exception!) as to what will come after May, but I am desperately trying to listen and hear where Jesus is trying to lead me. He's really wooing me this Advent Season, so I have no clue what's up, but I'm excited to find out.

As to the "one exception" I just mentioned, way back in October I applied to co-lead a FOCUS mission this summer and ended up getting one of my top two choices! (Insert girly geek-out here.) During the better part of the month of July I'll be boarding a plane and flying to Spain to hike the Camino de Santiago as a pilgrimage with a group of students! This is seriously a dream come true, and I can't believe the Lord is giving me such a perfect opportunity to do so. If you'd like a little back-story, let me entreat you with a little tale of my history with the Camino...

Back in the winter of 2010/2011  an amazing opportunity presented itself to me:  complete this hike with some of my favorite people from Madison (that includes you, padre, Gina and Madeline...) and then end at World Youth Day in Madrid; another dream of mine! I was in a class titled 'Europe' and had just learned about the Camino, along with preparing for the premiere screening of the movie, The Way at the 2011 'Answering the Call' FOCUS conference (which is all about a dad hiking the Camino to honor his son). So needless to say, I was pretty stoked to have the opportunity to go do the same with a group of people that I loved, and have the sacraments available on the way! Literally, a dream come true for this girl. *Un*fortunately, for those of you who read/know my testimony of becoming a missionary, you know that I had no idea what was in store for me at the conference that year. Long story short: I ended up hearing a call to be a missionary with FOCUS and the Lord stirred in my heart and actually gave me the desire to carry out the work--where as before, I had absolutely no desire to do this. I applied, interviewed, got accepted and was so excited! This was the Lord's will for me and I couldn't have wanted anything more than doing exactly that. In my excitement I ended up praying this prayer: Lord, if there is anything in the way of me doing your will, please just take it away and remove it from my life, no matter what. The next week He ever so graciously responded (as any good gentleman would) and removed a few things from my life, one of them being the opportunity to go on the Camino (for which I had already paid my $300 non-refundable deposit...) because it overlapped with the dates of my expected arrival to campus in August. To put it nicely, I was disappointed. However, I did remember my own prayer and decided that I should be thankful rather than resentful because God does answer our prayers! As I witnessed His faithfulness I decided to take it one step further and ask Him to give me another opportunity to go with two conditions: 1) that it be with a group and 2) that there be a priest on the trip. As it currently stands there will be a group of non-determined students and Fr. Jim Chern, the priest at Montclair State, coming along on this trip! Look at the Lord's faithfulness...I am completely blown away.

So now I sit at home, working on MPD, my relationship with mom and dad and spending some time with the new puppy that they got over Thanksgiving. 

Not a bad deal!

Fill(ed) THIS Heart.

Last weekend I had an amazing opportunity to go to St. Paul for a Fill These Hearts event. It's already been a week since the show/concert/speaking event/whatever-the-heck-it-was and I am still blown away at what we witnessed and experienced. God's beauty and the way He loves us and desires us so intimately lies at the heart of the very Gospel itself, and for the first time I actually heard someone explain this to me in a way that I can begin to understand. 

For those of you who don't already know, I have somewhat of a fetish (not in the creepy, weird, stalkerish way) for a music group, Mike Mangione and the Union, and have had a "musician crush" on them for nearly five years now, ever since they came to Madison way back during my early college days. I remember when Theresa, my roommate and dear friend, told me how this guy who's friends with her brother is an awesome musician and they are coming so we absolutely had to go see them! I obliged, thinking it would be just another Christian singer/songwriter and I'd leave St. Paul's at the end of the evening no different than when I arrived.

Boy was I wrong.

One can argue that all experiences change a person, whether for the better or for the worse, and I know that this music definitely touched a spot somewhere in my soul, and affected my life for the better. When the group came to Madison they had recently released the album, Tenebrae, and before each song Mike would explain the history behind each of the songs and the stories that went along with it. Sitting in the concrete, carpet-covered pews in St. Paul's I remember the feeling as though time actually stopped and the thought, "My life is different now, there is something really special about this music."

Ever since that night I've sought out opportunities to see them perform, often in coffee shops in downtown Madison every now and then. I do remember one summer when I took Molly all the way to Milwaukee so she could finally experience this music I was raving and ranting about. We got all dolled up, hopped in the Taur and boogied down to Milwaukee where we were so excited to see them. Sadly I was quite naive and didn't even think to look at the venue at which they were playing. We got there and I remember seeing Mike himself and the rest of the band starting with the sound check and before we could get more than five steps in the door we were carded (for quite possibly my first time ever) and the bouncer informed us that this was a 21 and up venue (a.k.a. a bar). Dannng! I felt defeated, but Molly's a good sport so we just got some hot dogs and then drove the two hours back home. And I learned my lesson: Always check the venue before driving two hours to see your favorite band play, especially if that venue is an alcohol-serving establishment. Luckily, that remains a non-issue for me...but if there are under-agers in our group I must remember courtesy...

Anyway, this is beginning to be a much longer story than I anticipated, but let's just say I've been following Mike Mangione and the Union on Facebook, Twitter, etc, and ever since coming here I have been perusing their tour dates, praying that they would come somewhere within a 300-mile radius of Fargo.  I finally saw on their Facebook page an event titled, "Fill These Hearts," and it was a combination music/speaker/artist event completely revolving around Blessed JPII's Theology of the Body. I've desired to learn more about this for a long time now, in fact, way back in high school Sara and I each bought ourselves a copy of JPII's actual work, thinking we'd read it over a summer. I remember opening it, reading a sentence and closing the book for the next eight years. Let's just say that Blessed John Paul II's writings are not for the fainthearted, or the high schooler with a high schooler's reading level, which, at this time, was me.

Anyway, back to the present. I saw that this tour was coming through St. Paul and decided to organize a group of students, whoever wanted to come, to go see it with me. This is the description I posted on the bisonCatholic Facebook page, taken directly from the website:

With music, light, video and other art forms, Fill These Hearts presents the message of Theology of the Body in an artistic event, couching Christopher West’s presentation in a redeemed atmosphere of art, culture and beauty, making contemplatively present in color, shape, and sound, the themes from JP II’s profound and timely work on the meaning of human sexuality. 

Cari and I will be making a trip to St. Paul for this event! Is anybody interested in coming? The details are on the website, and the tickets are only $15/person if there is a group of 10 or more. Plus, Mike Mangione & the Union makes hearts swoon. 

Apparently this intrigued a few people and over 15 students ended up wanting to join us for this--which means one thing: we scored the discounted tickets. BOOM. And there were more people making a Saturday-long trip to St. Paul for an event that they basically knew nothing about, nor did I, or anybody going. It had the potential to be pretty lame, I'll admit, one simply never knows until checking it out! I ended up getting invited to a Meet 'n Greet before the event with Christopher West and Mike Mangione themselves and got to actually meet Christopher along with some of the big donors that helped sponsor the event! Although it was only 30 minutes before showtime I was still trying to figure out what exactly we were about to see, and now after attending, I can see why Jen Messing (the woman who helped coordinate the event and invited me to the meet 'n greet) just smiled and said to me, "It's just one of those things you have to see and experience to understand."

Our group at Fill These Hearts

Yep, that pretty much sums it up. But I'll still try to at least give you a little tip of the iceberg to what we experienced that night. Notice how she didn't say "see," or "hear" but rather experience. Not one part of the event could have been taken by itself because between the music, Christopher West's talking, the sand-art, lights and the dancing, it was all just so holistic in its approach to the true, good and beautiful! I left that night feeling very spiritually full, and excited for what I was beginning to learn about something so important.

The main takeaway of the event for me was that God stamped into our bodies His love for us, and He gives us our desires as just a little taste of the desire we have ultimately for the eternal banquet of the Lamb in Heaven. Naturally, we desire the infinite but we attempt to satisfy that desire with finite things. Due to the fact that our desires do not always result in actions that benefit us, we have created this idea that our desires are bad, but they are not! God gives us all of our desires, but also calls each of us to chastity and self-discipline. The definition Christopher gave us for chastity, "disciplined wildness" makes so much sense! Especially when speaking in terms of our sexuality: when we view sex the way God intends for it to look, that is what He desires for every person--chastity. True freedom, Christopher defined as "disciplined wildness that releases us from the temptation to indulge." That makes so much sense, doesn't it?! I'll just let you chew on that one. Drink it in, people. Drink. It. In.

And the last thing that I scribbled down on my notes: "Do not reject the pleasures of this world, but rejoice in them rightly." That's what God so greatly desires for us! To rejoice in the pleasures of this world rightly.

West's book that I've been devouring this week.

So basically the TOB (Theology of the Body) message has begun to slowly eat away at me and the more I'm learning the more I desire to learn about it. Cari and I have both seen a desire within our existing bible studies to form up another study, but this one being on West's book, Theology of the Body for Beginners, which is an extremely abridged version of JPII's original work. I would be really excited to be involved with this, and truly, the more people that hear this message the better! If more people, young and old alike, heard this message of how intimately God loves them and how he gave us all intimate longings that should ultimately point us to Him, man, crazy conversions could definitely take place.

If you're interested in hearing about the past week of my life, well, that's less important. I will say I had one of the busiest weeks yet and it only lasted four days! We had a much-needed day of recollection on Friday (aka sleep in, go to Mass and pray when you want...but make NO plans whatsoever) and I actually decided to turn this weekend into a "weekend of recollection" making only two plans for the entire thing: last night I prayed at the abortion clinic from 8-9 and today I will be going to Mass at 5. Now that is a good weekend right there. People actually asked me to do things too! And I responded with, a simple, "No thanks, I'm making plans to make no plans this weekend."

So I'm writing to you after a weekend of daylight savings time, rest, prayer and ample Kelsey time.