Our [Awkward] First Date

Three years to the day marks my first date with the wonderful man I now call my betrothed, my fiancé, my soon-to-be partner for life. Hard to believe, right? It definitely does not feel like it's been three years. Maybe longer, maybe shorter, but definitely not three years. I mean, a LOT has passed since our awkward (in my opinion) first date at Applebee's.

Want to hear the story?

Well.... OK.

But I must warn you, it's pretty awkward. (In my opinion)

I won't tell you our whole story, because ain't nobody got time for that, but maybe that will come in a future post down the road. No one ever really knows around here.

DISCLAIMER: The awkward factor. While recently reminiscing about said first date I mentioned to Lee that it was a little awkward for me. He responded to the likes of, "Really? I didn't feel that way at all."

So there ya have it, my awkward trigger gets tripped a little easier than engineer boy's. C'est la vie. And c'est la not surprised at all.

Back to story:

My first year of missionary life with FOCUS is coming to a close (and for those of you who have heard of FOCUS, you probably already know about the first-year dating fast that all missionaries are obliged highly encouraged to take part in) and I'm staying in Fargo for an extra week just to soak it in, and move all of my stuff to our new apartment for the next year.

Lee conveniently overhears my teammates and I talking about all the time they will need to spend moving all my unnecessary crap stuff and he graciously volunteers to help me move, or gets graciously volunteered by Lucas. I forget which. Either way, he was gracious.

Lee makes a conscious effort to help me move allll the way across town (actually it was closer to 6 blocks). I'm pretty happy about this because let's be real, I know I'm gonna need as much as help as I can get because even though my team is the Packers, packing vehicles is not my forte. I soon find out that Mr. Engineer is an excellent packer and if it isn't for Lee's help, this moving fiasco would take a whole lot longer, and quite a few more trips back and forth in the Taurus.

-----

Moment of silence for "The Taur." May she forever rest in piece... and at the hands of my cousin who now drives her. Model year 2000, completely rusted out underneath, but still toting passengers from point A to point B. What more can you really ask for? (Answer:  Lady.)

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Back to story. Lee and Lucas in good, chivalrous fashion, help me move. We spend a good portion of Saturday moving and having a jolly good time. The last back-and-forth trip for the day is done, and I'm at my empty apartment by my lonesome, wondering what to do, when I notice my Bucky Badger floor mat is not at the entryway where he normally lies. I open the fridge and what do you know, there's Bucky, rolled up and on the bottom shelf. (Lucas went to the University of Illinois-Champaign-Urbana so we always had friendly verbal jousts about who's school is better.)

I sent a picture text to Lee of said floor mat in fridge, and though I don't have the text conversation saved, it went something like this:

Kelsey: Did you have something to do with this? (Bucky in fridge)
Lee: Lucas might have suggested that.
Kelsey: Very funny.

(break in texting)

Lee: Would you like to have dinner tomorrow night?

--Pause for Kelsey to get all sweaty and nervous and WHAT THE HECK IS HE ASKING ME ON A DATE?! I JUST SPENT ALL DAY WITH HIM.--

Kelsey: Sure, when and where?
Lee: Applebee's at 6 pm. I'll pick you up.
Kelsey: OK, that sounds good!
--Kelsey = so confused --
Kelsey: Random question, but what are you going to wear? (Dressing up = date, right?)
Lee: Probably a polo and some shorts.
Kelsey: Okay, sounds good. (Phew! Totally NOT a date.... Or wait, is it? I don't know what a polo shirt signifies!)

Awkward enough yet? It gets better.

The next day comes, Lee picks me up and we go to Applebee's. As soon as I get in the car I instantly start nervous talking to fill the silence which Lee is completely accepting of. (The whole time wondering: "Is this a date? Why didn't he just ask me when we were together yesterday? The text means it's not a date, right? Should I ask him? Does he like me? Do I like him? I think I'm going to puke!")

((Of note, at this stage of life, baby Kelsey still doesn't quite understand that some people have different temperaments, and some truly see silence as a gift to be treasured, while others see it as an obstacle to be tackled. I was very much in the camp of the latter, while Lee was and is very much on the side of the former.))

We both order and hardly eat the chicken strips basket (this detail is courtesy of Lee) and I, in all my nervousness, continue to fill every bit of silence with question after question after question. What was your family like? What kinds of things did you do when you were growing up? Tell me about your mom. TELL ME ANYTHING.

Hell hath no fury like Kelsey nervous-talking to an engineer on a maybe-but-not-really-sure-first date.

At one point I remember thinking, "Does he even want to talk to me?"

Apparently, he did.

And here we are today. Engaged to be married. Who. would've. thunk.

The only photographic evidence of Lee helping me move. Taken from an old cell phone.
He and Lucas sitting on my couch in the back of Lucas' pick-up.

xoxo,
Kelsey Marie

I'm not planning my wedding.

Confession: the post title is a bit of a stretch. What I mean to say is that I'm not afraid to not spend (my condolences on the double negative) every waking moment thinking about the wedding day and plans for this dress or that table decoration, who to invite, who not to invite, etc etc. And it certainly is a temptation to think that your life needs to revolve around wedding planning (thanks, frequent emails from The Knot, WeddingWire, etc etc)! For Pete's sake, we haven't even been engaged a full month, yet! (We will have been tomorrow, though.) Moreover, I want a marriage that lasts a lifetime, not a spectacular wedding that will only be one day. Plus, the way the world works is this:  things will inevitably go wrong. No matter what. End of story. Things will not always go 100% as planned (thanks, FOCUS Missions, for giving me a hard, fast lesson in that one!) so if I have all of my eggs in the "having a perfect wedding basket" I will certainly be disappointed without some level of detachment.

Shortly after Lee and I got engaged he brought up one of his fears, which also mirrored one of mine: that through this period of engagement we would quit growing in friendship and focus solely on our wedding. I for one am a sap for weddings and also am a girl who loves all things pretty, has a lot of time at work to daydream and has a great cohort of friends and family who are over the moon excited for us and want to help with wedding details in any way possible.

Even with all of these factors, I'm not planning my wedding. Well, actually, it's not just me. It's Lee and I, so it's we. And we are definitely planning our wedding. BUT we are not allowing the planning for a mere one day of our lives to consume us for the next 255 days (thanks for the countdown, wedding websites everywhere).

With that, we have decided to institute...

(...drum roll please...)

wedding-free date nights!

Okay, so that might be a slight over-reaction, but it really is pretty exciting--both the date nights, and the ability to reference one of my favorite movies.

Also, for me personally, I have attempted to institute wedding-free Wednesdays! This is when I make my best attempt* at not doing anything wedding-related on Wednesdays, and then offer the struggle for the kiddos that I'll see later that night in religious ed.

* I'm still human, and still excited about having my own wedding someday, after all! I can't expect perfection right away, but I'll keep striving.

Ever since we've lived in the same city, Lee and I have held fast to our weekly date nights. Each week we take turns planning the evening's events, and we even extend our curfew until 10:00 on those nights so that way it's extra special (getting old is rough, dontcha know...).  This wonderful schedule has allowed us to enjoy a plethora of activities that take minimal planning but that we might not do otherwise (think: read each other books at B&N, $5 movie Tuesdays, try fun new recipes or restaurants, carve pumpkins, scrapbook, etc).

I think that regular date nights are essential for couples--dating, engaged or married--and should be cherished and guarded each week, especially until the little ones come along and make life a little more joyfully chaotic. Also, when couples spend all of their time just "hanging out" and not actually doing anything, it can lead to not getting to know the person and all of their wonderful quirks, likes, and dislikes, but just feeding the emotional highs you get when you're close. It's a hard fact to face, but I do believe it's true. Snuggling up next to each other on the couch every night may seem like a great idea, but with any firm resolve to remain pure and chaste, that can really be dancing on the edge of the fire, if you know what I mean. That's why we keep a running list of "Things to do with the other" and when in need of an activity, we don't have the excuse that, "there's nothing to do!" Shoot, we've got a whole list right there on our handheld devices. And believe me, there are always things to do. Take this example from Olivia over at To the Heights. You don't need to live in a big city with lots of social options to keep you entertained; try something as simple as having a candlelit homemade dinner, or teaching someone your favorite game (in this case it's chess..and one of these days I WILL let you teach me, Lee, I promise).

Because both Lee and I cherish our weekly date nights, we have decided to guard them even from our own wedding planning, and let these nights be just about us and our growing friendship. Our relationships don't just stop growing when we get engaged or married, anyway. Plus, this is a pretty sweet deal, am I right? Sure, it's tempting to want to bring up the, "what about this idea?" or, "Have you thought about that?" But in all reality, we are starting to see that those ideas aren't going anywhere, and will be there to talk about the next day. We also have a nifty Google wedding spreadsheet with a "To-do" tab, so if we think of something to talk about, we can just add it on there and talk about it on some night other than our date night.

After a little reflection about why I think setting time aside to not do wedding planning is so important, I realized that in a sense, it is a lesson in trust. Trusting that everything will work out just fine--regardless of when this reservation is made or that decision is decided, we just need to trust that everything will work out exactly as it's supposed to. So far we have had zero road bumps in planning and choosing venues, so it's also pretty easy to trust right now. But in a real, tangible way, this is preparing us for marriage when we will need to trust in God to take care of all of the unknowns (our family, our jobs, our finances, etc.) when we can't control everything. And ultimately, I don't want to be the one in control anyway. That's His job, not ours.


Here are a few pictures I found from some of our fun date nights:

Lee made me a fancy birthday dinner of salmon and asparagus for this date night.

Carving pumpkins before Halloween!

We each picked out a children's book that we liked and read it to one another.
(Lee picked the book above, I chose Walter the Farting Dog. So romantic.)

Making our first cookie cutouts together for Christmas! 

Grilling at the State Park by the
lake for date night.

Answering another call: we're engaged!

Perhaps many of you dear readers have already heard the chronicles of Lee and I throughout our dating relationship. Perhaps you know both of us personally. Or just one of us. Or neither of us (which might be a little creepy, but hey, I'm the one putting selections from my life on the internet for all to see!). Regardless of how you know (or don't know) me us, I just want to sing from the rooftops and tell the whole world about Lee and I's story.

Am I one of those crazy, in-love girls who is totally smitten and sees rainbows and butterflies everyday? Yes. And shamelessly so. In fact, the emoji with the heart eyes frequents my "recently used" every day, if that says anything. Emotions provide the raw material for love, at least that's what Saint JPII says, and you know what? I agree with him. Lee and I are reading a book he wrote before he became pope called Love and Responsibility and boy am I learning a lot about what it really means to love another and selflessly desire their good. And wow do I have a long way to go.

Anyway, I digress. I seriously just want to proclaim to you all of the events, growing moments, and ways that I've learned as much as I have from our relationship thus far that has shaped me into the woman I am today. It's amazing to me how quickly life can change, and in such big ways!

Why am I writing this post again? Oh yeah, to tell you about the proposal!

Lee and I were in St. Cloud just after Christmas to spend time with his family. We had just gotten back from spending the weekend in Fargo (going to a wedding, no less!) and were feeling pretty cooped up so Lee suggested a walk at Quarry Park. This enchanting park filled with old granite quarries and miles of trails happens to be the site of a certain couple's first handhold. Talk about precious moments. And that "certain couple" happens to be us, go figure.

We were walking along, enjoying one another's company on a frigid -1 degree day. It was SO cold! If it weren't for the wool socks I was wearing and the scarf wrapped around my entire face I think I would've become the less-loving popsicle version of myself--and she's never too fun to be around. But as we walked hand in hand I just felt very happy to be with him, and be outside, despite the cold.

We eventually made our way up to a little embankment overlooking this spot:

and just stopped to admire nature's beauty for a few moments (which, admittedly, we do often while walking in the woods and at other beautiful places). As we were standing there Lee turned to me and said, "Kelsey, I wrote you something that I'd like to read to you." He proceeded to pull a hand-written letter out of his coat pocket, look me in the eyes, and start telling me exactly how he feels and what he knows God is calling him to. It truly was one of the most beautiful letters I have ever read (well, heard, and then read afterwards many, many times), and was written with me in mind, which was the biggest "swoon factor" in the whole deal, if you ask me.

As the letter wrapped up, with Lee consistently looking over to me while he was reading making sure I was still looking back at him, he reached into his coat pocket, holding my gaze all the while (with, yes, the Lee Kersting stare), pulled out a box, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him right there!

I tried to come back down to planet earth and say something, really any form of "yes" would do. I think I mumbled an, "uh-huh" and proceeded to stare at him, in awe that this man really wants to spend the rest of his life with me. In my opinion, I'm definitely getting the better end of the deal here!

Shortly after it all happened, we shared our first kiss. (Awwwww) It really was a perfect moment. After hugging for a few minutes Lee finally looked at me, still holding the ring and said, "So, you wanna put it on?" I hadn't even thought about it as I literally couldn't believe that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together!

He handed me the ring, and I put it on. Other than being a size too big, it was perfect. I felt extremely loved in that moment, but that is an understatement. After I put it on he told me that "the reason there is a single diamond is because I want you to know that you are the sole object of my affection."

....tissue break.... (For you, not me. I've told this story already!)

He also told me that he thought that this ring could also be my new purity ring, and I could take the old one off (which I was planning to give to him anyway). It's funny how strangely difficult it was to part with the old ring that my aunt Colleen gave me as a young teen! I've been wearing it for about a decade and rarely, if ever, took it off. I think I'm adjusting to the new ring just fine though.

We had talked about engagement one time a couple months earlier, and Lee asked if I'd like to help pick out the ring or if I wanted him to do it. I opted to have him be the one to pick it out and am so glad that I did. Every time I look at it I love it a little more, and I think mostly because of what it stands for. Here are some pictures of the ring, the first one being after it was re-sized:

So we eventually kept walking, and then went to the top of an observation look out and took our first official "engaged pictures:

Do we look cold or what??

After that we continued walking for a brief while and then decided that it was just really cold, so we started making our way back to the car. We then went over to St. Mary's Cathedral, the Cathedral of the St. Cloud diocese. We prayed there for a while, and spent some time visiting our patron saint's shrine, St. Cloud himself (yes, he's a real person). We then ventured downstairs to a beautiful statue of our lady and lit a candle there, especially since Our Lady is such a big part of our relationship (Lee captured the moment):

The entire time at the Cathedral was filled with much consolation and peace for the both of us, which we afterwards discussed and decided was a very good sign. As we were walking out Lee looked at me and said, "well, what do you want to do now?"

We proceeded to continue spending time together through activities such as going to the mall, buying flannel sheets and looking at picture Porsche books. We finished off a perfect day of newly-engaged bliss (all before telling a soul!) by having supper at Panera and I practiced flashing the bling (Lee thought it was funny):

After dinner we finally decided it was time to head back and tell our families, so we surprised both his parents and my own (even though he had asked mine a couple weeks earlier for permission). Both families are so excited and can't wait to have a new daughter and a new son (relatively speaking, of course).

Last but certainly not least, we have selected the date on which we will wed! October 10th, 2015 we will exchange marriage vows and enter into the "sacrament of sacraments." This time of preparation has already helped us grow and challenged us in a variety of ways, and gosh I just cannot wait to become the Mrs. to this Mr.

From the Streets of Fargo

You might be wondering what the heck has taken me so long to update you; my apologies if you've been on the edge of your seat. Like I mentioned in my last post, it's legitimately hard to think of things to write with sweet Kelly no longer able to read and enjoy my posts; I pray for her each day and still miss her dearly.

However, although I haven't been posting certainly does not mean I haven't been experiencing a lot of life since September 2nd, the date of the last update. Since then bible studies have gotten off the ground, our all-female book study is well under way, the students are growing more and more each day, we've had a few monthly mountains (one was even student-led) and I've been meeting more people than I know what to do with (as per usual).

If you're wondering how I personally am doing, let me just say very well. I feel very free to be more spontaneous, and to evangelize in every opportunity. I'm convinced that this grace is a fruit of the Camino. In the past, I've seen activities at the Newman Center as more of a burden than a joy (I know, shocker, right?). A new tide of graces came flooding in with the start of this school year and rather than seeing these activities as "required" I'm now seeing every one as an opportunity to meet new people, share the love of Christ, and welcome more students into this family that is the Newman Center. I think part of this might come from the fact that this year I'm leading only one bible study (as opposed to multiple) and most of my current disciples are seniors, so we basically just live the dream and strategize as to how we're going to convert NDSU's campus. It's pretty bomb.

I do have to say I have a few other pieces of exciting news in my life.

1) Meghan Gangestad (was Hamson) got married last weekend. Her wedding, simple yet beautiful, impacted me in so many ways. I learned a lot about self sacrifice, and what it means to really love someone. It's funny, because this wasn't the first Catholic wedding I've been to. In fact, I've been blessed to attend many. However, this was the first time that someone I've walked with on the path of Christian discipleship got married, and she is just the first of many (Mary, Alea, Britni..). There was definitely a sense of proud older sister and I had to blink 'em back a few times. (Not as many times as the bridesmaids in front of me though! They even turned around and asked me for tissues.) It was just such a joy to celebrate with Meghan, as well as spend time with her FOCUS team (she's a missionary at IUPUI) and her wonderful family.

Justin and Meghan's wedding, all the FOCUS Missionaries in the house!

2) I've hesitated to write about this for a while, and I'll be honest, it is probably one of the reasons I haven't been so diligent in writing. I pride myself on being open, vulnerable and honest with my friends, family and all of you, but sometimes, you just don't know how to bring something up. Recently I read an article titled, Stop Guarding Your Heart and Start Paying Attention to Realtiy, and so this is me, "paying attention to reality." I'm in a relationship, and privileged to be dating a really incredible guy named Lee. I guess you could say this is the first "adult relationship" I've been in, so I'm a little skittish as how to go about everything. The reality of the situation is that we just started dating about a month ago, we're both pursuing lives of holiness fed by prayer and the sacraments, and that one way or another we are on the same page with trying to prepare the other for their Vocation. As for details I'll tell you this: he lives in Iowa, I live in North Dakota. We talk twice a week, and are trying to visit each other once a month. Prayer is important to us, and I am so thankful his leadership in the relationship.

Lee and I at Meghan's wedding

You might be wondering, wait a second, if he lives in Iowa and she lives in North Dakota... how on earth did they meet? Well, to answer that question, Lee was a grad student my first year at NDSU and we bonded over a filial love of the movies Hot Rod and Pink Panther. We actually had a lot of opportunities to get to know each other, and I actually tried to set up a FOCUS Mission that was NDSU-specific (the trips are typically inclusive of students from any campus) and Lee, who had been on a mission trip before, offered to be a co-leader for the trip. In God's good providence, only a couple of students showed nominal interest in the trip and therefore we canceled it. Lee was also one of the most dedicated FOCUS student missionaries and very hard-working. To not bore you with all the little details, I will say that in April I received a really nice letter from Lee, we started talking every couple of weeks throughout this summer, peppered by a couple of visits from each of us, and well, after a visit to his family St. Cloud about a month ago we decided to officially start discerning through a dating relationship. If I learn any wisdom about dating through this experience perhaps I'll share it with all of you via this blogging medium. It is my own personal soapbox, I suppose. Perhaps that's why I like it so much. Hmmm...

Lastly, regarding my relationship with Lee, I've been learning a lot about myself, and especially the virtues of patience and selflessness. I've always kind of known I'm selfish, but it wasn't until this summer when Lee and I were talking about a possible visit in the time frame between the Camino and returning to Fargo that I realized in what ways I am selfish. I tried to convince him to come visit me in WI (again, as he visited in late May before NST), and he patiently just said, "Kelsey, I'd like it if you came to Iowa." I knew in that moment that sometimes I need to give, and he can't be the only one to sacrifice for our relationship. So that's just one example of how I'm already growing in this relationship.

On a funnier note, the other week we had a Skype date planned for 5:30 pm and I made sure to dress up extra nice that day. I had a few opportunities throughout the day to go for a run or do some form of exercise, but I used the Skype date as an excuse not to work out (you can't mess up the hair, you know!), even though I should've. At 5:20 I logged into Skype, knowing that it usually takes a couple of minutes to get warmed up, and at 5:30 on the dot, I got a phone call from Lee. I, trying to play it totally cool, said, "Oh, did you want to Skype today?" (secretly yet not so secretly hoping he'd want to) when, after a brief pause he just said, "No, I think we can talk on the phone today" (facepalm). "Vanity of vanities... all is vanity." Thanks for helping me grow in holiness, Lee.

Ready for the fiesta!

3) I'm leading two mission trips this school year--one during spring break and one over the summer! I'll be going to Ecuador over spring break and Mexico City in July. I couldn't be more excited to have such incredible opportunities to serve the Lord in this facet. I love my job. If you're a college student and want to come on either trip with me, www.focusmissions.org is the website. Fill out an application and join me for an awesome adventure. The desire to become more involved with FOCUS Missions really started to fan into flame after returning from the Camino. I think the Lord has a lot in store for college students through these missions, and I feel the Lord tugging on my heart to serve in this capacity.

Tonight we had a "missions fiesta" for the buckluck Sunday night student dinner. We brought in some music, lights, crepe paper and had a helping of nachos and I'd chalk it up to a success! It was a blessing to share something that I'm passionate about with students, and hopefully inspire them to go on their own mission this year. Another grace for me was to share the graces from the Camino with them through a personal testimony and be reminded myself of all that the Lord did for me on that incredible trip. Sure wouldn't mind going back sometime in the near future!

Busy serving all the kiddos at buckluck.

That's about all there is to report for now, at least now that I've pointed out the "elephant in the room." Perhaps I'll be more likely to share more often with all of you stories from the hinterland. Please pray for me, for our campus, for many applicants (especially males!) for FOCUS, our student missionaries, the trips to Ecuador and Mexico City and please pray for Lee and I as we continue on this path of discernment.